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Working Through Grief in Recovery
Dealing with grief in recovery in my personal experience has been one of the most
difficult feelings in my recovery life. The feeling of loss became very frightening for me,
but it was not the first loss as there were many losses in my life. Almost fifth-teen years
ago and a new comer to sobriety, I remember when someone shared with me, who had
a few twenty-four hours of recovery, that divorces, broken-up relationships, and death
of love ones can cause a relapse, and I remember as I heard that, it really put a lot of
fear in me because at that time my father was diagnose with cancer, and I knew he was
dying. So for me, I was feeling fear to relapse and at the same time I was facing grief
knowingly knowing my father was soon to die.
I had picked up a lot of meetings during the time of my father’s sufferings and
surrounded myself around a lot of sober people. I also did a lot of writing about
recovery… creating and producing recovery plays. It was my way of giving back to what
was giving to me, “one day of being sober,” so that I may go through the changing pains
of a sober life. But the reality was, even though, I shared and cried with grief I was
staying really busy and did not give myself more time to grieve. This was a very difficult
time for me as I seen my mother sharing and feeling the grief I was feeling and sharing
inside my heart and soul, and then the feeling of empathy… I surly felt her pain. This
really did hurt and it was surly and truly sad…but I took it one day at a time, until my
father passed away, then I was feeling the pain of loss, the true sober feelings of grief.
However; I am very happy and thankful that I was able to spend two in one-half years of
sobriety with him and to be able to hear his last words he said to me as he held onto my
sober medallion, “Son, I am proud of you.” His message to me helped me affirm the life
of recovery for me, but again, there were times when I just needed and surly did cry.
Eight years later, I lost my mother to Parkinson’s and her sufferings really took me away
in very deep grief. I had just finished six years of college and at my graduation I
remembered she was the only person who stood up and applauded for me. She was
the mother and still is my mother who never gave up on me, even as ill as she was she
always was there for me. Through both of my treatment programs she was the one who
picked me up at my lowest drunken-highest bottom and dropped me off to treatment in
hopes that one day I would manage to be sober for just one surrendering day. Her last
words to me, “I love you, son.”
Grief… is part of life and so is loss. It is important to point out that there is indirect grief;
the grief of our friends that relapse and our still out there, the grief of our using friends
and family we left behind with our old life styles, grief of our love ones whom passed
away, and grief to which we surrender too.
I had managed to go to Bible study working through grief with God at church and share
my loss with the feelings of grief and opening up the tears of cries. I also worked very
hard with support outside of AA meetings as well as inside. I wanted to share with you
my losses to those who may be facing and feeling losses of your own that we can with
support manage to live another sober day. I can tell you God saved me through my
pains of being loss in deep grief and still carries me today. I have learned the grieving
cycle and I know that it is my time to grieve and not to jump off the pity-potty and believe
when I need to cry I need to substitute it with laughter. I know I learned that if someone
cries and does not’t know why that they should seek professional help, and I learned to
accept God’s will.
For my grief is a sober feeling I would compare to, “hurt and sadness.” Your grief is on
your time and over the years it does get better. So if you are feeling grief take time to
feel and cry and take time share to those who will let you share and not to tell you to get
off the pity-potty. For my opinion, “the true sobriety and spirituality is sharing the pain,
feeling our true feelings, not running away from people, places, and things, but working
through the pain with true compassionately support, such as; AA, NA, and CA meetings,
and truly, with God.
As always, you are welcome to share your story here as I will share mine. I hope you
find peace in recovery and may your God be with you.
Cheerful Memories
For when the moments of cheerful memories come calling for our grief and loss, the
Sun soon will shine upon our soberly pain.
For it is our seed of nourishment to feel, taste, and share our tenderness and may our
healing pour out to tears of rain.
For it is the humbly and sober life we surrendered to and that life is the life of sobriety
and surly God’s will.
If we shall weaken and if we shall fall, shall we stand; we surly know now pacing upon
our spiritual journey the Sun shall always shine upon our God’s hands.
By Arnold Williams 12-28-07
Dealing with grief in recovery in my personal experience has been one of the most
difficult feelings in my recovery life. The feeling of loss became very frightening for me,
but it was not the first loss as there were many losses in my life. Almost fifth-teen years
ago and a new comer to sobriety, I remember when someone shared with me, who had
a few twenty-four hours of recovery, that divorces, broken-up relationships, and death
of love ones can cause a relapse, and I remember as I heard that, it really put a lot of
fear in me because at that time my father was diagnose with cancer, and I knew he was
dying. So for me, I was feeling fear to relapse and at the same time I was facing grief
knowingly knowing my father was soon to die.
I had picked up a lot of meetings during the time of my father’s sufferings and
surrounded myself around a lot of sober people. I also did a lot of writing about
recovery… creating and producing recovery plays. It was my way of giving back to what
was giving to me, “one day of being sober,” so that I may go through the changing pains
of a sober life. But the reality was, even though, I shared and cried with grief I was
staying really busy and did not give myself more time to grieve. This was a very difficult
time for me as I seen my mother sharing and feeling the grief I was feeling and sharing
inside my heart and soul, and then the feeling of empathy… I surly felt her pain. This
really did hurt and it was surly and truly sad…but I took it one day at a time, until my
father passed away, then I was feeling the pain of loss, the true sober feelings of grief.
However; I am very happy and thankful that I was able to spend two in one-half years of
sobriety with him and to be able to hear his last words he said to me as he held onto my
sober medallion, “Son, I am proud of you.” His message to me helped me affirm the life
of recovery for me, but again, there were times when I just needed and surly did cry.
Eight years later, I lost my mother to Parkinson’s and her sufferings really took me away
in very deep grief. I had just finished six years of college and at my graduation I
remembered she was the only person who stood up and applauded for me. She was
the mother and still is my mother who never gave up on me, even as ill as she was she
always was there for me. Through both of my treatment programs she was the one who
picked me up at my lowest drunken-highest bottom and dropped me off to treatment in
hopes that one day I would manage to be sober for just one surrendering day. Her last
words to me, “I love you, son.”
Grief… is part of life and so is loss. It is important to point out that there is indirect grief;
the grief of our friends that relapse and our still out there, the grief of our using friends
and family we left behind with our old life styles, grief of our love ones whom passed
away, and grief to which we surrender too.
I had managed to go to Bible study working through grief with God at church and share
my loss with the feelings of grief and opening up the tears of cries. I also worked very
hard with support outside of AA meetings as well as inside. I wanted to share with you
my losses to those who may be facing and feeling losses of your own that we can with
support manage to live another sober day. I can tell you God saved me through my
pains of being loss in deep grief and still carries me today. I have learned the grieving
cycle and I know that it is my time to grieve and not to jump off the pity-potty and believe
when I need to cry I need to substitute it with laughter. I know I learned that if someone
cries and does not’t know why that they should seek professional help, and I learned to
accept God’s will.
For my grief is a sober feeling I would compare to, “hurt and sadness.” Your grief is on
your time and over the years it does get better. So if you are feeling grief take time to
feel and cry and take time share to those who will let you share and not to tell you to get
off the pity-potty. For my opinion, “the true sobriety and spirituality is sharing the pain,
feeling our true feelings, not running away from people, places, and things, but working
through the pain with true compassionately support, such as; AA, NA, and CA meetings,
and truly, with God.
As always, you are welcome to share your story here as I will share mine. I hope you
find peace in recovery and may your God be with you.
Cheerful Memories
For when the moments of cheerful memories come calling for our grief and loss, the
Sun soon will shine upon our soberly pain.
For it is our seed of nourishment to feel, taste, and share our tenderness and may our
healing pour out to tears of rain.
For it is the humbly and sober life we surrendered to and that life is the life of sobriety
and surly God’s will.
If we shall weaken and if we shall fall, shall we stand; we surly know now pacing upon
our spiritual journey the Sun shall always shine upon our God’s hands.
By Arnold Williams 12-28-07
By Arnold Williams Copyright © 2007
Please share your story on how you were able to work through grief in sobriety with us and as always
if you would like to remain anonymous please type anonymous in the your name field. You story will
help others find that they are not alone in recovery at most difficult time of loss.
if you would like to remain anonymous please type anonymous in the your name field. You story will
help others find that they are not alone in recovery at most difficult time of loss.
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